Relationship- Is this manipulation in the name of friendship: Identify with these signs, 8 suggestions from a psychologist, learn boundary defense

Imagine, it’s Sunday and you want to go to the theater and watch a movie. You ask your friend to accompany you. But he refuses you, saying: “I don’t feel like it today, we’ll go another time.”

You might be wondering what’s so strange about that? What’s strange is that last week when your friend wanted to go to the mall, even though you weren’t in the mood, you went with him because you didn’t want to dissuade him. Last weekend, you were moving to a friend’s house, while your own important job was on hold.

This means that you are available to meet your friend’s every need and desire, but this is not the case. Are you able to relate to this story? If so, you are a victim of manipulation.

Today ‘relationship“In this column we will talk about the manipulation that occurs in friendship. How do you know if you are being manipulated in a friendship? You will also learn that-

How to avoid manipulation? How to learn to say “no” sometimes in friendship?

What is manipulation?

Manipulation is an English word that means controlling someone else for your benefit. Although it happens that by manipulating others we can get what we want and pursue our own interests, this is also very dangerous.

Psychologists George H. Green and Caroline Cotter write in their book “Stop Being Manipulated” that this has a very bad effect on the mental health of the person being manipulated. But at the same time, manipulating others is just as dangerous for mental health.

How to recognize the signs of manipulation in friendship

Often we are so immersed in friendship that we don’t understand that we are being manipulated. A friend can manipulate you to get things done, force you to accept their wishes, control you.

Gaslighting can lead to a breakdown in friendship

Psychoanalyst and author Dr. Robin Stern wrote a book on manipulation, “The Gaslight Effect.” She explains how to recognize hidden manipulations. How to avoid falling under his control. First, know what gaslighting is in any relationship or friendship.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting does not mean using a gas lighter or turning on a light. What it really means is “to manipulate someone, to change their thoughts.” Making him believe something that isn’t true. The term was first used by English playwright and novelist Patrick Hamilton in his British thriller “Gas Light”. After that, a film was also made about it in 1944, in which it was shown how a husband manipulates his wife to get rid of her. He raises questions about her mental health by telling her numerous lies.

Learn about gaslighting and its symptoms in the pointers below:

Gaslighting in friendship can be classified as a type of mental abuse. Here one person tries to change the other according to his thoughts and feelings, so that he can realize his interests. According to Robin Stern, gaslighting is a covert form of manipulation. It can also completely change your thoughts. Some common symptoms of gaslighting can be, like speaking negatively, trying to change memories, using the friend for their own benefit. The friend may speak negatively about you, such as “You can’t do it.” anything, otherwise you always do it wrong.

According to a 2020 study by the National Library of Medicine, if we don’t maintain healthy boundaries in our relationships and continue to experience manipulation, it negatively impacts our physical and mental health.

How to say “NO” in friendship

How to Deal When Someone Manipulates You

Often certain things seem bad to us, but we do not understand how to oppose them. Either we tolerate everything in silence, remain angry inside, or one day suddenly we become very angry.

Dr. Zafar Khan says both of these behaviors are unhealthy. Nor is it right to tolerate or remain silent. We should set healthy boundaries. For this we must have the right language. How will this happen, understand from some examples given below-

If you don’t like someone’s behavior or feel like you’re being manipulated, then instead of remaining silent, getting angry, raising your voice, being afraid or be nervous, say this:

I don’t like your behavior at all. Never speak to me in this language. I don’t allow anyone to speak to me in this language. I don’t think a good friend would ever talk to me. in this language. Maybe you’re not a good friend. I don’t like it when my “NO” is not respected. If you are a friend, you should respect my feelings. It’s not about an hour. It is a precious hour that I want to spend according to my wish. Good friends never force me. You don’t meet the definition of a good friend.

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